For most, the easiest part of marriage is the wedding. Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you can make as it that affects not only your future of love and family, but also your legal rights and responsibilities. Living the married life allows you and your spouse to get to know each other better than anyone else. You learn how to live together, understand each other’s needs and support one another through every hardship. The positive moments in your marriage may often be reason for you to stick though the negative ones, but it is important to pay attention to how often you feel ready to move on. If you have been contemplating separation, but unclear if it is the right decision to make, we’ve laid out 6 questions to ask yourself before you divorce. This article can help you determine if your relationship is worth ending or why it may be a great time to work on saving it.
1. Do I Want To Save My Marriage?
As people grow and go through life, their priorities change. If you are finding that you wanted different things when you first got married, it is because you are a different person now. One that has learned, made mistakes and grown from them. It is okay to want to move on. Think about how your decision will affect the family and prepare to support them through the process. If you feel that your want to end the marriage is not mutual, consider your options for getting a divorce when your spouse doesn’t want one.
2. Can We Still Be On Good Terms Through Divorce?
Maybe it’s time for your marriage to end, but there are still parts of your relationship worth salvaging. If you have children, allowing them to grow up connected to both their parents is very important. Having a good relationship with your ex during divorce can benefit you in many ways. An uncontested divorce saves money, time and is overall less emotionally heavy on the whole family. Aim to have conversations with your spouse about how you can maintain the positive parts of your relationship for the benefit of the whole family.
3. Have We Tried To Make It Work?
Not having proper communication is one of the most common reasons relationships fall apart. Make sure you are clear about your needs and boundaries and have open conversations about how you can work together to meet them. Be willing to listen to your spouse about how they believe you contribute to the state of the marriage as well. Often times we forget that relationships thrive on balance and it is in the interest of both partners to support each other equally.
4. Why Am I Considering Divorce?
Taking time to understand what brought you to this point can help you make stronger decisions. Was it one specific moment that made you consider separation? Was it an accumulation of many little things? Are your feelings for your spouse just not the same as they used to be? Give yourself space to find clarity about your relationship from your own point of view before bringing it up to others.
5. Have I Given Them Time?
If you feel that you and your spouse aren’t on the same page anymore, remember that it takes time for people to change out of their comfortable habits. Make sure you communicate well about the changes you expect from them, but start with subtle requests. Even though you may be ready for drastic change, asking them to be an entirely different person all of a sudden can be distressing. Give them time to show you their efforts and work on communicating extra while you work on the relationship together. It is also important to understand that some of your expectations may be out of line with their boundaries. If this is the case, talk about how to resolve the issues in a way that works for both of you.
6. What Do I Want My Future To Look Like?
When you think about your future you should be filled with excitement about all the possibilities yet to come. Take a moment to list out your dreams and goals and ask yourself if your spouse is supporting you through them or pushing you back. If you have tried your best to make it work, try overcoming the guilt you may feel about leaving your spouse to live a more fulfilling life. You deserve to be supported, uplifted and loved.
On the contrary, you may struggle to see a future without your spouse, but feel unsure how to move past the current issues. If this is the case, consider taking some time to yourself. Take a trip to recenter and figure out what it feels like to be without them for a while. Sometimes space and time provides us with the best clarity. Regardless of what feels right to you during this time, always keep your future in mind.
Marriage relies on a balance of love, support and understanding. When these are no longer present in the relationship and you or your spouse aren’t ready to make changes, it may be time to move on. Trying mediation can help you work through your issues in a non biased and effective way. The future of your marriage is in both of your hands. Asking yourself these important questions can steer you in the right direction when you’re figuring out how to live your best life.
At Hussain Law we focus on helping our clients navigate the emotional and financial challenges of separation and divorce. Our office remains fully operational, and we have implemented various new procedures that allow us to continue to advise clients seamlessly during this time. If you have a family law issue that you need assistance with, please contact Ayesha Hussain at 647-428-3919.